Disabled and sexy! Is that an oxymoron? Not according to Lara Masters and some of the people she’s talked to who are heading off into 2011.
The desire to feel attractive must be built into our DNA. Whatever our sexual orientation, our drive to procreate makes us want to appeal sexually.
Although women’s magazines tell us how to be attractive (ie look like Cheryl Cole – yawn) there are many more ways to give your mojo an MOT.
Clair Lewis, otherwise known as Miss Dennis Queen has mobility impairments and received “Campaigner of the Year 2010” at the Erotic Awards for her work with Consenting Adult Action Network.
“I feel sexy when I’m doing things I’m good at and most confident when I’m dressed-up in something flattering or fun, like a sharp suit with immaculate make-up, or a queeny frock, or going to an SM club in fetish-wear. I feel least sexy when I’m down, insecure or poorly dressed. Dressing-up makes me feel sexy, but appearing sexy to others is about my emotional state, not how I actually look.”
Debbie Deboo who makes Glam Sticks (as featured in Disability Now, November 2009) agrees. “I feel least sexy when I put on weight, but I find men don’t mind your weight as much as you do, and being confident with a curvier body is far more attractive than a thin girl with no confidence.
“I like my boobs and legs, and feel sexy wearing layers of scented beauty products like Chanel No 9, body lotion and perfume and a gorgeous-smelling shampoo. If your hair smells good and someone gets close enough, it’s always commented on!
“I love high heels and the advantage of being in a wheelchair is I don’t have to worry about walking in them! But the thing that makes me feel sexiest is wearing ‘WOW’ matching underwear and showing some cleavage.”
Shannon Murray, model, actress, writer and wheelchair-user, also rates having legs that go on forever!
“My least fave body-part is my derriere. I’d love a bum like Kim Kardashian but generally, I feel sexy rather easily. I don’t have many hang-ups about my body or disability: I may not like every aspect of my body but I’ve no shame about it – I did pose nude for Quickie and BBC1.”
I’m not quite as unphased by my disability as Shannon but I appreciate aspects of my physique and don’t mind stripping off (or being stripped!). And apparently we’re not the only brazen disabled hussies. Stylist Tess Daly who has spinal muscular atrophy regularly gets her pins out.
“My legs are the best part of my body. Although I’m a total short-arse they’re quite long, a good shape and usually tanned. I feel confident when I’ve spent time on my hair and make-up, and I’m in a short dress and towering heels. Nothing’s more empowering than a sexy pair of shoes, particularly when I don’t have to hobble around in them!
“I least like my neck, as due to my spinal fusion it has twisted slightly to the left and does knock my confidence. Also, I have days when I really struggle to do the few things I can do. It’s hard to feel sexy when I’m feeling more disabled than I already am!”
My friend, comedian and wheelchair-user Liz Carr also has moments of conflict about her body. I organised a choreographer for her wedding dance recently and quizzed her about body-image.
“I feel confident when I think I look hot – I love my legs, my hair, eyes, neckline – but I feel least sexy when I look at my body and it doesn’t reflect how I feel. I’ll be thinking I look hot but then I’ll catch a glance of myself and feel disappointed.
“I’m frail and freaky looking but I love my body for the pleasure and experience it gives and for what it’s survived. I often think, “Thanks for getting me this far…”
Being disabled may sometimes hinder our gratitude for our body but feeling confident is about dressing-up and making the bits we love stick out (literally!). So, the more we appreciate our physical form the sexier we feel. Let’s have a hot 2011 girls! Grrrrrr!